It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
