hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
