Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just had sex on a roof
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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