Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
