Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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