When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
