You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
