i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
