Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
