you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
