my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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