"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
