he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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