Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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