I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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