the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
