I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
