Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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