I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
