OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
