i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
