Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
