i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
cat food counts as protein by the way
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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