I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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