So drunk its hurt
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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