made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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