Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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