Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
