I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
