I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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