Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
