I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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