Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
