He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.