My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
