Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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