Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
