I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
