i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
