I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
