I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
