he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
