i think my tv is drunk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
