if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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