well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
