oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
