it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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