Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
