From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
