so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
