don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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