we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
