u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
