I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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