only if we run a train.
done.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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