Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
