they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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