its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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