I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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