I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
