should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
