words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
