K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
