My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
