they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My bed smells like the plague
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
