Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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