In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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