My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
