I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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