dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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