you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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